Stop making women choose between babies or business

I’m 26 years old and recently found out that two of my closest friends were pregnant. It was good news and I was so pleased for them but, at the same time, I couldn’t help being overcome with a horrible sense of dread.

Brooke Lark - Unsplash

I suddenly became very aware that they were on a very different trajectory than I was. They were building lives, careers and families and I felt trapped. Not because I didn’t have a great life — I have amazing friends and a fiance who I adore — but because my career felt useless and was not what I wanted it to be. The thought of having a child and building a career were not synonymous to me, and I guess you could say that there was an impending sense of doom that until I’d fixed the latter I couldn’t have the former.

In hindsight, this level of thinking is incredibly dangerous to women like me. It not only reinforces the notion that women who are mothers cannot be successful, but also had a negative impact on my own self-worth.

Women are continuously made to feel like having a child means they’re too busy or too distracted to focus on their career. And, worst of all, they think their employers believe it too. This fear stems not from women’s inability to work after childbirth, but rather the realisation that being a mother comes with a set of responsibilities that makes it feel impossible to succeed at motherhood and a career. Yet, if this was true, why do men not feel the same pressure when they become fathers?

Perhaps its time to consider that a woman’s career is not hindered by her inability to work and be a mum, but rather a man’s inability to contribute to the work load that comes with starting a family and building a home.

The percentage of unpaid labour taken on by women significantly outweighs that of men. That is a fact. Globally, women do 75% more unpaid labour than men regardless of whether or not they work full time. For most households, this means women taking on additional tasks outside of their paid employment such as childcare, care of relatives, shopping, cooking and chores. In the western world, where women are more likely to contribute to household earnings, the responsibility of unpaid labour can create an extra three to six hours work a day for women in comparison to the mere two extra hours a day for men.

This does not mean to say that men do not contribute to the running of the household at all. There are plenty of fathers out there who spend considerable time doing childcare; a 2016 US report states that men spend four more hours a week on childcare than 50 years ago  — which is certainly a step in the right direction. However, global statistics still show that the contribution from mothers is significantly higher than fathers and we cannot deny that the weight of this burden is preventing women from starting families.

Obviously, there is an argument that women’s maternal roles means they naturally assume the position of primary caregiver. Their biology requires them to do so. But this doesn’t mean that they need to be the only caregiver. Women are more likely to be the ones to do the school run, to do the laundry, to do the food shop and to tidy up. Whilst figures suggest DIY and heavy load jobs fall to men, women take on the everyday household jobs and, in doing so, find themselves spending more hours a week on unpaid labour than their male counterparts. According to the UK Office for national statistics, men enjoy five more hours of leisure time per week than women. Since studies show that relaxation and down time have a significant impact on productivity levels, is it any wonder that father’s progress faster than mothers in most workplaces?

In addition to the physical work they carry out, women also have the taxing responsibility of becoming ‘household managers’. As part of their roles as mothers, the female head space becomes cluttered with family-essential information — dates of school trips, doctor appointments, the kid’s shoe size, what vegetables the kids eat. Mental load also becomes an issue, as men rely on women to tell them what chores to do, when and — sometimes — how to do it.

You’d think the distribution of tasks would take the weight off. But no. Women describe mental load as leaving very little head space for much else. Ever wondered why women can look so deep in thought when walking down the street? It’s probably because they’re wondering who’s going to cook the tea, if the washing got put out, what’s long division and how they’re going to meet their sales targets by the end of the week.

The results of this extra workload are, of course, catastrophic to women’s productivity and creativity in the workplace. It quite simply comes down to the fact that with more downtime and less responsibility, men are able to demonstrate more productive, employable characteristics.

And this fact has not gone unnoticed by employers. Statistics have shown that men are more likely to be hired once they have children. Women’s employment opportunities, however, are actually lower after having children, as are their wages. Is this disparity a result of mothers actually becoming less productive employees whilst fathers get better at it? Or is it because employers expect women with families to be more distracted?

All in all, the idea that having a baby will interfere with your career success is true. The statistics show that women are less likely to progress in their careers after child birth. But this is not down to female incompetence or the distraction of a child, it is simply a result of the unequal burden that women have compared to men. If society expected men to take on more child care and household responsibilities, perhaps the mothering population would have the opportunity to thrive in their workplace. Perhaps, even more importantly, employers will stop seeing mothers as less capable than fathers.

If society can fix the unpaid work parity, the future may just be able to refer to these women not as hard-working mums. But simply as hard-working women.